no one except you will unlock this heart of mine<3

2008-06-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

MY OBS JOURNEY STARTS HERE...

On 9th June 2008,
I stepped onto the ground of Outward Bond Singapore. It is my first experience and I felt kind of excited. It had always been my dream to attend the OBS course. I knew 16 more friends including Jill, our instructor. My group name is Batuta which means “that stone” but at times people name us as Batutu which means “stone that”.
First day today and we did nothing much but I learnt something new, I learnt how to kayak. It’s my first attempt but was doing pretty well. I knew how to capsize too. After everything, went to wash up, followed by dinner, pitch tent, briefing, debrief, packing of stuffs and lights off. That’s the end of day 1.
F.Y.I we will be out of this campsite for the next 3days 2nights.

On 10th June 2008,
Carrying that heavy haversack, we continued our journey in OBS.
I am carrying a haversack consisting 2persons’ 3days 2nights clothings, toiletries, 2life vests and 2 ponchos. PLUS 4 2litres of water bottles. HEAVY !!!!
Today, we really walked a lot. Chatting while walking, walking while chatting, we finally reached our destination after about 2-3hours of walk including breaks. When we reached, we had some games and at about 5pm, we went to our campsite which is beside the sea to pitch tents. Followed by dinner. We didn’t get to bath as there is no water supply. If we need to use the ladies or gents, it will not be easy. For gents, they have to go to the sea. As for ladies, we had to go somewhere near the tree and cover ourselves with poncho. We had dinner, followed by briefing, debrief and a powder bath which I didn’t did it before. We just had to put the powder at out joints and that will be fine. It’s to prevent us from getting rashes and of course applying our dearest insect repellent. We, the Batuta members lied on the blue turp for some entertainments and off course to see stars. Me and my best partner, Gary was playing stone as well. At 10.30pm, the first sentry duty started and it is time for us to get back to our tents for our rest. While we were going back to our tents, dark clouds started to form and had covered the stars in the sky. A storm strikes, with thunder and lightings followed by a heavy downpour. Our tent were moving and our men were trying their best with all their might to hold onto the tent pole and to ensure the tent will not collapse. Our buddy group, Living Stone, their tents were destroyed by the storm and so, we invited them to our tent and everyone tried to hold on to the tent. The tents were all flooded with water and everyone were wet. After the storm, we went to help Living Stone with their tent. After the tent pitching, its already about 1am and everyone went back to sleep.
To me, its my first time experiencing all these storms. I did not expect it will be so bad. It is all about teamwork, if no teamwork shown, I believe our tent will collapse and we will not get to sleep that night. In this scene, everyone plays a part. Every different important role, I guess. Maybe we will get a nice rest after that as our tents are wet and stuffs, but to me, we learnt a lot that night and always know that, EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

On 11th June 2008,
After one tired night, we headed for breakfast and everyone noticed that we didn’t brush teeth. Anyway, after breakfast, we had our morning games. Half way through, dark clouds started to form again and it seems that Singapore is raining. There is a line cutting in between the sky of Singapore and Pulau Ubin. It looks scary to us. Our instructors told us to carry our faster and quickly get into the forest before the storm arrive. Before we got into the forest, it’s already raining, but we enjoyed the process though. Walking after one hour, we reached campsite2.
We were all drenched and we carried on with rafting. There is a lot of fun going on. Although our group is slow and didn’t win the race, but I saw the teamwork in Batuta. After rafting, we went to have our high elements.
Firstly, we tried out on belaying and carry on with rock climbing. For rock climbing, we had to earn for our own dinner. For rice and drinks, it cost each one of us 20 points each. For vegetable is 30 points and meat is 50 points. So, if we want to get full dinner, each one of us must get 120 points and my group had to get 1800 points in total. Ended up, Batuta got a score of 3700 points and we were all proud of it. Of course, I did improve in my rock climbing. Gary was the belayer of mine and he keep asking to climb as high as I could to earn for my own dinner. I was hanging there for a long time and finally I couldn’t take it and came down.
During dinner, it’s at cookhouse and finally, we need not cook our own food and we had a proper chair to sit and table to put our utensils for dinner. After dinner, me, Gary and PongPong helped to clean up the utensils while the guys help to dry and packed it into the cabinate.
With all these teamwork, we finished this work very quickly and all of us went to shower and meet Jill for briefing and debrief. After all the stuffs, we went to pack our stuffs for the sea expedition the next day. With that, goodnight buddy. All the best for tomorrow.

On 12th June 2008,
It is the last day and tomorrow, we will be heading back to Singapore. Kind of don’t wish. Today, we had our sea expedition. We need to kayak the whole of Pulau Ubin with the distance of about 18km. During the trip, I had fun and I am lucky to have a wonderful partner and not someone that is slack- thanks Gary.
I had never even dream that one day, I wll be out of the sea kayaking and also, not giving up. The two of us were motivating one another not to give up. Ended up, we were always faster then the navigator and always get scolded by him. Gary started to be unhappy about it and he told me to slow down. We had a short break as we were 2hours ahead of our target time and it is at the beach behind our NPCC ATC campsite. We had our lunch there and Gary thought me how to throw stone. After which, we went to the sea and play with water. About half an hour later, we set off and heading to our destination. We left only about 4km to reach campsite 2. this time round, me and Gary started off slowly as we don’t wish to get scolded by the navigator again. But we don’t know why, whenever the navigator saw us, he will always speed up and the people behind will start to blow their whistle and show him the slowing down signal. When he stopped, me and Gary just wanted to catch up with him but he ended up keep moving forward. And so, the back people get to pissed off and they started to block the navigator and called him ‘speed boat’. About half an hour later, we reached our destination and at that moment, my back is hurting.
After a while, we went for our Jetty Jump and I was thinking whether to jump not. Gary told me he will go down first and wait for me below. I shouted ‘I love Batuta!’ and I jumped down. It is very scary but fun at the same time. I could not believe that I will be able to jump down. After that we went to change and walk back to campsite 1. again, with that heavy haversack and the rod of bottles, chatting around and walked back to campsite 1. about an hour later, we reached. We packed our stuffs and we head to pitch our tents up. After tent pitching, we continue with dinner. Half way through, Gary got emotional out of the sudden and sat near the sea. I stood up and went towards him and sat down. He said nothing and went to cook his noodles and now it’s my turn to be emotional as I somehow miss home and mainland. We also learnt how to cook a dessert with apple, digestive biscuits crumbs and oat.
Went to shower, had briefing and debrief, off to bed. Heading back to Singapore tomorrow. Last night with you guys.

On 13th June 2008,
Friday the 13 2008, I made this statement, and I rang the bell ‘I must help YuYing NPCC sustain a gold unit!’ Luckily, I hit the bell and this will be my commitment. We made a Batuta web today and now, each of us had a twine with us. Got out photos, certificate, stuffs and heading back to Singapore. Waited for our turn and we reached Singapore at 1.45pm.
That will be the end of my 5days course in Outward Bound Singapore.

Own reflection
To me, although the course had ended, but this journey will never end. Everything we did in OBS will be able to apply to our real life’s journey. I am proud to say that I had carried that heavy haversack walking around for a few hours, think of giving up in the beginning but ended up pull it through. This is like our real life. Put this scene into our real life, we studied hard for exams and that’s where we are carrying that heavy haversack. Wanted to give up but didn’t. Reached the destination with pride and that’s where we got our good results. Everything we do be it easy or difficult. Don’t judge it by it’s look if you never even try it out. If there’s a will, there will be a of way doing it. When you made a statement, try doing it out, no matter how difficult it is, give in your best and I am confident to say, you are a great leader.
Don’t always expect things to turn out well and the road be prepared for you to walk. It should be we are the ones preparing our own roads for us to walk it through. Always remember, expect the unexpected. I had made my statement, and now its time for me to hold my whole unit’s hand, holding one another, working hand in hand and make my statement a success.
I will never forget all the things I learnt there.

2008-04-15T05:39:00.000-07:00

out of this whole world of guys,
i chose you , you as the one.
you had been drifting away from me.
why is that so ?
although i told you i decided to let you go but girl, it's not easy.
i will always be there by your side.
looking at you secretly,
taking of you secretly.
you are just that perfect in my eyes(although you aren't but i dont know why)
at times, you made me pissed off and fed-up,
i really feel like throwing tantrum at you,
but i didnt&ended up you throwing tantrum at me(i guess most girls had this too)
i tried to hate you, but i can't.
the time, the memories, is pulling me back.
we had fond of memories that can't be erased from my mind.
whenever i thought of it, tears will flow down.
the more i hope to give up &let go, the more i am hating that feeling.
you told me to be strong& hate you, but seriously SORRY ! i can't.
i know how much we are lovely once.
i know both of us are loving one another deep inside our heart but can't say anything out.
i know how you are feeling. i know how much hurt i have cause.i am sorry girl.
till now, you are still my dearest girlfriend..
no one will be able to replace you for this half years? or even more.
i really miss all those sweet talks, your hugs, your kisses.
i seriously miss all that.

think about it ,
had anyone love you so much before?
have you love anyone so deeply before ?

for me,
not to love her, will you ?
if i could turn back the time, i will still choose to appear in your life, but this time round,
i am going to grab you tight &will never never let you go. i swear !
no one except you will be able to unlock this heart of mine,
i love you

2008-04-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

窗外

点了支不想抽的烟思念像眼圈飘散在床边
泡了杯没糖的咖啡我擦了香水会不会飘到你面前
天空上的云仿佛像你的心情捉摸不定
回想你扮鬼脸的表情难以忘记
爱离窗外越来越远
下着大雨那一夜
你(我)哭红双眼你并没有不对
我才发现我无力挽回
爱离窗外越来越远
已过了多久时间
你(我)哭红双眼你并没有不对
我才发现这早已是从前
我想拉上窗帘我想闭上双眼
只是我不想看到窗外过去的情节
都是我不对你没有不对

2008-04-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

YES I AM WRITING ABOUT YOU.... BITCH !
whats the problem with you uh ?
why can't i kup your phone ?
who do you think you are to me ?
HELLO !
stop telling people that i keep contacting you &i will fall for you.OMFG!
please la for heaven sake !
GO HOME LOOK INTO THE MIRROR ON HOW YOU LOOK LIKE CAN ?
or is it that you are too broke to have one ?
I CAN GET YOU ONE !
fucking hell !
me&her broke up you very happy isit ?i guess so.
if you jealous... TOO BAD !LMAO!
its your problem.
stop saying all her bad stuffs infront of me &all my bad stuffs infront of her which all are not true. can?
i believe that we can settle our own problems, if not i am sure that it won't &will NEVER be you uh ?!
if you are too free &have nothing to do, don't come and bother us.
STOP ACTING kind hearted& nice bitch ! pui !

&please, i only called you once when i am really very sad that time.
stop going around telling ppl that when me &her have problems, i will ALWAYS call you.
&say that i am ALWAYS very irritating.
do you understand the word "ALWAYS"?
or you need me to help you define it clearly ?
i guess your english is not to that extend uh ?
dont throw you rpoly face okay?

just now when you called, you ask me why am i not sad right ?
everyone will grow up okay ?
i dont want to be sad is for her okay ?
dont later go around telling people that i dont love her anymore thats why when we broke up i am not sad. PLEASE !
seriously no point...
my heart is meant for her.
so far,
no one made me change my mind, no one made me fall for them.
so, you jolly well SHUT your BIG mouth UP !
if i heard anything from you, i tell you, it wont be nice anymore.
i dont care how old are you older then me.
i am already very good to you already, better dont climb up to my head okay ?!
DONT BE CHILDISH !
if me&jervin really love each other,
i believe we will trust each other even though we are not together anymore.
not in bgr but we CAN still be friend luh.
after all, our relationship is still not that bad can ?
get your fucking face out of my sight !
YES, I HATE YOU !!!

2008-04-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

WHAT A ASSUMING DAY...
today met up with erin to fetch you& you know what?
i skipped ballet...
reached airport at around 2plus and the both of us were like looking for the skytrain to proceed to T1.(we even took a map of changi airport)HAHAHAHA..
&finally belt23.
wait wait wait...
you didnt turn up.
you are such a stingy person that dont even send a msg saying you not coming back la.WTH !
&so we went to take cab &back to hougang for my tuition.(waste my time...)awww..

hmmm...i think you are on the plane already bah.
YES i miss you alot alot..
i want to see you, i wish to see you.
but on your side, do you wish?
do you wish to see me?
do you miss me as much as i miss you ?
i am worried...

2008-04-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

WHO YOU ACTUALLY LOVE ?
i have one question to ask you...
while this relationship is going on and on, who you love more?
or, have you really love me before?
think about it...

2008-04-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

DECIDED...
i have decided,
decided to let go...
i have no more choice.
i have been upset for the past few days,
now i am much more better.
life still goes on for me.
its hard, its not easy but i have to overcome it.
at least i didnt regret being together with you as i had good times
&memories with you.
yes !
i agreed that i didnt expected that things will end it this way,
i guess you too.
i knew we both dont wish,
but we had no more choice but to let it go right baby?
i knew its hard to let you say those nasty
&hurting words to make me leave
&hate you,
i know that you are suffering on the other side of the world but you simply can't utter a word cause you can't let me know.
at this moment i know you cant be soft hearted,
thats why i had to respect your decisions and so,
we can be back to friends quick and we won't be suffering so badly like now,
right my dear?

SO,
i promise,
i wont be upset,
i wont be silly,
i will be back my old self,
i will just live the happy life again.(i guess thats what you wants to see right?)
i now then found out,
what matters more is what we gone through together but not really the ending.
everything will have an end sooner or later,
and its just the matter of how are we handling with all that isn't it?
i will draw a full-stop to everything now.
YES i love you.
&when you really love that person ,
the last thing you can do for that person is to let go..

i can't be the one taking care of you anymore,
so please take good care of yourself.
i can't be the one to be nagging at you anymore,
so please behave yourself.
i can't let you know that i love you anymore,
but that will be resounding in my mind.
i can't tell you how much i misses you anymore,
but my heart is missing you.

i hope i will be the first and the last girl to let you feel what is love.
i will always remember you &save the best for you.
i will never gonna to forget our love, our moments, our every single thing we did..
i hope you dont too..
lastly,
JERVIN NG, I LOVE YOU <3

JERVIN&JANICE...
13thJANUARY2007...
15MOTNHS...

2008-04-07T04:05:00.000-07:00

THE ONE I AM LOVING MOST...
hmm...
not really doing fine,
found out some truth& dont know what to do.
& most importantly, i dont know what can i do for you boy.
i know you are sad over your posting of schools& i know you have to go,
i really dont know what i should do.
i want to show my care& love, but i doubt you will accept?
its bothering me...

what's you with her ?
i still can't take this fact though..but i have to..
in this long relationship, have you ever love me deeply before ?
have you appreciated on what i did?
i am wondering..
i dont wish to be forgotten by you.
i dont wish to be ignore, really dont..
you are deep inside my heart.i cant take this feeling out anymore...

when will you be online again?
your every online made me know that how much i misses you.
do ring me up
cause i wish to hear your voice.
i dont know how the end will be like,
but i still love you so& i hope you too.
i will always hope the best for you.
no one is gonna replace you in my heart,
LAM HONG YING DECLEARED THAT SHE LOVE JERVIN NG THE MOST.
so do you my dear ?
58452013143344..

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine,
you made me happy,
my sky are grey,
you never know dear,
how much i love you,
please dont take my sunshine away...PLEASE !<3
still remember this baby ?

2008-04-07T04:01:00.000-07:00

HOPING FOR THE BEST , PREPARING FOR THE WORST...
i am crossing my fingers&pray hard that my grandma will be alright..
be strong okay ? i know you can...
i know you are suffering now but you are doing well isn't it ?
i have been by your side for days&nights. feel me, i am here praying for you...
GET WELL SOON !

sobbing in silent , hoping everything will be alright...
get well soon my dearest grandma<3

2008-04-05T09:32:00.001-07:00

i left that space &waiting for your care...

2008-04-05T07:06:00.000-07:00

4th April 2008

DISAPPOINTED....
YES !
i am disappointed in myself.
today, we had training(not really a training,just on our hard skills)
after that we had a debrief on the FIRST proposal that the sec3 squad did.
kelly pointed out one point about the wet weather plan.
he said this to us"you guys go &think,is it possible that having a real fire in the canteen?"
after he said this, some f***er said" see hongying,tell you cannot already then you still say can"
TMD ! what is this man !
we had the meeting together, we planed on it together, we agreed on it together& when come to problems all blame, as if when i did smth &the seniors praise you all will say thank you?
what is this la!
is this the sec3 squad?i dont even see the unity la.
think about it la,
you all said you all are stressed up,then how about me?
we are all sec3, i am going through what you guys are going through too(all maybe more)
i didnt utter any single thing saying i cant do or i am tired.
you all say you all are tired after dry shooting, HEY MAN !
as if i didnt go la!
I WAS THERE TOO OKAY?!
after the meeting that day,
me, simone& dearest went for dinner,
after that i rushed home.
my dad scolded me as my teacher called,
i am suppose to be doing all my homework& revising,
BUT i dont !
i quickly typed the whole fucking proposal.
THINK ABOUT IT,
did any of you all called,msn me or even sms me asking me whether i need help except JiaLing&Simone?
i am suppose to send that thing to kelly be 11,but end up i keep dragging and until 12,i am able to send.
if i dont send,
according to kelly,the whole sec3 squad is going to get it from the CIs.
HEY PEOPLE ! i had covered your ass up for you all.
BUT did you all cared?
did you all appreciated?
i am wondering.
the next day no one asked me how is it going on.
i didnt do all my assignments,my teacher srewed me up. i didnt say any f***ing thing out.
let me ask la,what more you all want me to do?
i had really given in my best.
you all are human& i am one too,
i have also my limit in doing things.
my grandma is lying in the ICU& i dont even know how long more can she take it.
i didnt say any single thing out.
i didnt cried can?!
why?!
i dont want all of you all worried for me.
i dont wish to be yours burden.

is it true that being nice to people end up wont be treated well?
i am wondering can?!
today is really the first time i cried for NPCC matters.
anyway,sorry kelly for troubling you& sending you the proposal late that night.
thanks to simone,seri&jialing that is always there for me,
and of course the guys that tried to cheered me up just now.
i really appreciated it very much.special thanks.
but seriously,
i am utterly disappointed in myself.SORRY !

2008-04-05T01:22:00.000-07:00

I WILL STILL LOVE YOU SO....
yesterday night, you messaged me.
i was happy.
but today, you told me you wont want me anymore,why is that so?
deep inside my heart is numb.
i am together with you is not because i want to keep this relationship long.
its simply,I FEEL HAPPY when i am with you.
after you left,
will you still continue to love me?
will you still care for me dearly?
i am wondering.
my true love is you& i lost it.
i wont let you go but you want to.
what shld i do?
i seriously need you now !
i cant live without you.sigh...
i guess this time round i have to say goodbye.
you will always be locked inside my heart...
i guess you had found someone you love?
but i still love you so...

will blog about what happened to me later...
but its my first time crying because of npcc...

2008-04-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

YOU YOU YOU !!!
my sweetest boy,sweetest valentine...
finally,
when i miss you most today, YOU CALLED !
i was happy like f*** .
i had lots of things to tell you but i can't as i am with a teacher discussing about my e.math.
i wanted to tell you how much i misses you.
i want to say this to you "baby, i...love...you<3"
but i can't... =(
SORRY! not i didn't wish to talk to you but at that moment i really cannot,
hoping that you will call tomorrow,will you?
i miss you so,my priceless boy<3

my baby, 9more days to go& i'm gonna hug you tight...
i love you..<3

2008-04-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

TODAY TODAY TODAY...
today was doing fine in school.
had e.math. test&i can't finish.*OH MY*
i guess i am going to fail again...sigh.
before that had my cheena test,its easy like shit.HAHAHAHAS(always)
tomorrow will be having cheena oral& still need to go training,TIRED !
i have lots of homework to settle this weekend,will i be able to finish it?hmmmm..
LHY jia you ohh =x
next monday need to see LGC again.arghhh!i hate her like hell can?!so boring,always make me want to sleep in her lesson BUT I CAN'T! thats how irritating it can be,MS CHAN I MISS YOUR LESSON LUHHS !
will continue the rest on my next post.so,read on=D

2008-04-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

HAVE YOU.....
have you really gave this relationship up?
have you really gave me up?
have you really think it through?
have you really think that this is right?
have you really thought that its really for me?
have you really thought of me?
have you ever spare a thought for me?
have you ever miss me?
have you ever love me truly?
have you thought that i really need you badly?
have you ever thought that i misses you deeply?
have you ever thought that how much tears have i shed for you?
have you ever thought that how many meals didnt i eat because i miss you?
have you ever thought that i cant concentrate because i am hurt?
have you ever thought that maybe this is not a good solution?
have you ever thought that this is not we wanted?
have you ever thought that how much i cared for you?
have you ever thought that how much i am worried for you when you are away?
have you ever thought that me without you is nothing?
have you ever thought that i simply cant live without you?
have you ever thought that my life without you is really miserable?
have you ever thought that you are selfish?
have you ever thought that i need you more then anything?
have you ever thought that i really love you?
have you ever tohught that your leave is a great affect to me?
have you think that how eagerly i am waiting for you to contact me?
have you think that i did so much is because of you?

HAVE YOU ? I DONT KNOW!
cause i love you so...
i need you badly...
i am waiting...

2008-04-02T03:37:00.000-07:00

HAVE YOU EVER SPARE A THOUGHT FOR ME??!!
i have been missing you damn fucking lot la !
days&nights,i have been crying,
you told me,when you reach hk,you will message me,
you told me,when you are free you will online.
now,you dont even care to send a fucking mail to me.
what you want me to do?
i really cannot take it anymore.
i am seriously in deep great hurt.
tell me !!!
what you want me to do?
i seriously feel like dying.
I SHALL DECLARE THAT.
LHY WILL NOT LONGER BE STRONG ANYMORE !SHE HAD NEVER FEEL THIS PAIN AT ALL. NEVER !!!!

2008-04-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

TODAY TODAY TODAY...
SUX LIKE HELL!!!!!!
today is such a sucky day can?!
in school today,had to take class photo,it was fun though but kinda miss 1Do6&2Do7.
but first time i feel that the class is huge&feel bond together.
didnt went for recess duty as we had late recess..hmmm..
eng summary test(DIE!)
i feel happy as we are going shooting&can skip 2 periods of A.maths - so cool can?hahas.
went shooting& my score is ZERO !
i cant imagine that to happen.but it happened.
LHY. you are so useless can?! ZERO !!!!!!!OMFG!!!!!

anyway,
journey there &back,
i was crying on the bus like hell.
when i look up to the sky,i miss my star&cloud.
i miss you so...

2008-04-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

I AM MISSING YOU BADLY...
i am always thinking,
"where are you?"
"what are you doing?"
"are you missing me?"
baby baby,
do you know how much tears had i dropped?
do you know how much i wish you are contacting me?
do you know i have been looking at my phone&i got nothing?
i simply miss you so..
my phone feels like dying without your msg.
LHY wish the time to fly ....
she wish to see you NOW..
she feels like hugging you tight tight tight !!!!
I MISS YOU...
i can't take this anymore baby...

2008-03-31T07:34:00.000-07:00

to you:
now i can contact you no way.
i guess here is the only place i can tell you how i am feeling now.
i fcuking miss you can? tears keep dropping down.
looking at your pic really make me think of you.
where are you?!
what are you doing?!
i wish to know.you told me you will msg me but i have been waiting&waiting&i GOT NOTHING !!
i feel like hugging you tight &let you go no more.
i wish this 2weeks will just fly by...
baby,contact me asap !
i miss you so...

2008-03-31T04:25:00.000-07:00

I AM JEALOUS !!!!
yes ! i am jealous over alot of things&jealousy kills .
why must you contact XY ?
do you know how much i HATE her ?!
i thought you told me once before " you will not want this friend because of me ?"
but now ? SIGH !!!!!
seriusly , you disappoint me . i feel disappointed .
you took pics with her , so close somemore la ! WTFH !
OMT ... *fainting*
I HATE XY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-31T04:17:00.000-07:00

YOU'RE GONE...
my dearest mr NG is gone.
back to his own country.
it will be 2weeks...long way la !
i can't bear you from leaving,it's tearing me apart.
from 3plus you left&i have been crying and thinking where are you now.
are you missing me?cause i am doing so...seriously, i hope that your answer will be a yes..
i am worried.JL told me to have confident in myself,the ans from you definitly will be a YES.
but seriously i am unsure.i dont know what to do...sigh.
J E R V I N N G !!
you are simply making me going nuts ! i am going WHAO !
this morning , thanks for accompanying me for the breakfast . i appreciate it very much .
how i wish that moment will stay .
how i wish that time will never pass at all .
i can't let you go ,
i can't say goodbye .
my love... don't let this end this way okay ?
don't let this go easily okay ?

i'm swearing to the god that "MY HEART ONLY CONSIST JERVIN NG&NO ONE ELSE !!"
if i am lying,i will get bang down by a car tomorrow while walking home after school.
arghhhhh !!!!!!!!! FASTER COME BACK !!!
i miss you so....

2008-03-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

LOOKING AT YOU LEAVING EVERY SINGLE DAY..
FURTHER&FURTHER AWAY...
i seriously want you to be my one last love,but i guess you can't,isn't it?
you told me you won't let this continue.
although i wish to change,but i don't think i can.
i am trying my very best to make you change your mind you know?
i hate people saying that i am your ex,CAUSE I AM NOT &NOT ONE !
being your girlfriend is really a very nice thing,i feel hounered.
i hope you will always stay by my side&watch me.
be a gurdian star.
hold my hand &walk me through...
i don't think i am going to let this go easily..
GIRL, trust me, its not easy.
i know i keep telling myself to be strong&not cry,but seriously its not easy.
you had to let the person you love most to go.
you say i had to get use to it,but why can't you understand me?
do you know this period of time is the time i love you most&i need you most?
stop telling me that fucking reason can?
reflect on what i told you that day in KFC.
look into my eyes,it do tell you alot of things.
see!my tears are falling.
i didnt let it fall.i am trying to be happy,but i scare it will leak out soon.
people always tell me this,
"be strong girl,i know you are one.smile more,it do attract people,its sweet&lovely. although you are at already at the verge of falling,but still,you will be able to make it.am i right?"
last time maybe yes,to other things,maybe yes.
but SORRY ,
to this relationship i can promise anything.
i don't know how much more will i be able to smile.
i know if you can turn back the time,you won't choose me anymore.
but what i know is,our time are memorable .
its really a fond of memories.
so please,
dont go.when you really had to go,i will let you go eventually.
you are always loved by me.
my sweetest boyfriend.
must remember me...
i love you so..

2008-03-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

CAME TO AN END...
everything had came to an end,
speech day parade is over,
ballet exam is over too.
damn sux la !
i think i am going to fail my ballet exam this time round.
i did quite a number of exercises wrongly.
SIGH !!!
the parade sectment is fun.we has a lot of fun in the basement,aren't we people?
hmmm..
after all i am happy with today? i am glad that finally i can really have a goodnight rest tonight.
hoping that you won't leave me all alone...

2008-03-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

MAYBE ITS CAUSED BY YOU?
maybe its caused by you?i still cant accept you being close with her.
my heart feeling down when i saw all the pics&stuffs?
is it because of her?
is it doing for her?
my heart is tearing apart.i don't know what to do?
i am thinking,its all nonsense !
i am thinking of stuffs that it shouldnt be in my mind...
you dont want me anymore...you left me all alone now...
do you know how much i need you?
you are just my life....dont leave me alone,my boy...
i miss you so...

2008-03-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

I MISS YOU BADLY..
after you have left,
i felt the emptiness,
now then i know how much you meant for me.
my heart is tearing,tearing into pieces.
i am feeling the pain now& i hate it you know?!
i cant promise you anything now,i dont even know what i will do next.
i had already disappoint you thoroughly,i guess.
i need to tell you that you are the one&only.
no matter how many times i said,you won't believe me,isn't it?
my heart is only meant for you&no one else.
i had never cry so badly for someone else before.
i wanted to jump down,i didn't eat for meals& i didn't sleep at all.
my body is tired,my body cant take this anymore.
its going to collaspe soon.
how i wish all these wont happened.i am feeling really bad now.
can i take a knife and kill myself or can i just jump down?
i dont know how easy is it for you to let it go,
but what i know is i cant bear to let this relationship go.
i want to be dote by you,i want to be cared by you.
you will always be stayed in my heart.
this feeling will never be faded at all-i sweared !
i lost my sweetest valentine,i lost someone i need to be treasured but i didn't.
it had been the fact already& i can't change this fact.
please be happy alright?
i dont want to hear you cry cause i know you are strong&when you cried,
it means that you are in great pain.
i dont wish it will happen in you,
i am willing to take all these pain with meBUT simply not you.
i miss you so,i still love you so;my laogong...
i am not going to let go...
13012007-21032008...

2008-03-21T05:16:00.000-07:00

I AM BACK TO MY SINGLE LIFE...
there'll be no more 13012007...
it had all ended.ended by you.
all the excuses you gave are hurting..
maybe its for me,maybe its for yourself,BUT...
after all, i think that you are selfish.
the feeling for you in me is deep;right inside.
tears keep rolling down&i cant help it.
i still love you so,my darling.
when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are mising you...

outer me seems happy but inner me is crying badly,
i am holding on to all my tears&hope it will stay inside,
i want to be strong,
BUT i guess i cant.
you love me no more,
you left me all alone,you dont want me anymore...
13012007-21032008
i miss you;
i still love you so...

2008-03-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

in the past ,
you would tell me how much you misses me ,
you will use loads of ways to make me happy , make me smile .
you did all those silly things is just for one reason .
is to see my smile &laughter.

after i found you ,
i saw my real laughter .
i smile through my heart .
nothing is fake .
i love to be cared by you .
i miss all your messages .
boy.... i miss you .

you told me not to let you wait for too long ,
but i am SORRY !
seriously SORRY ! i knew i hurted you.
hurt you deeply .
&now,
it's time for me to get the hurt .
i regretted for not treasuring the moments with you .
i dont know what more to say .

you are the one that made me see my laughter ,
you are the one that made my day always ,
after you left...
i cant see my laughter anymore .
no one is able to make my day anymore .
all the memories had been craved into my heart&memory .
the scar you left is there, it do still bleed at times .
after all ,
i miss you . if i can turn back the time,i will hold you tight& never let you go anymore.
i just need that one more chance , can i ?

2008-03-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

IF YOU ARE NOT THE ONE
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings but I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tells me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do i dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

you thought me how to sing this song,
you told me what this song means
now i wanna tell you that this song means my heart,
my true love to you.
boy , you are simply the one i love deep in my heart...

2008-03-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

回到过去
一盏黄黄旧旧的灯时间在旁闷不吭声寂寞下手毫无分寸
不懂得轻重之分沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看著凌晨黄昏你的身影失去平衡慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端无法存活在真实的空间
想回到过去试著抱你在怀里羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界,想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜想回到过去试著让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧这样挽留不知还来不来得及想回到过去
思绪不断阻挡著回忆播放盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁

LKX,this song made me think of you,
i want to go back to our past...
i miss you ;
perhaps you had given up on me , but i still love you so ....

2008-02-16T23:04:00.000-08:00

hmm,
just read some old conver between me&you.
kinda miss you.
i havent gave up,i still care for you.
i know you had given up on me&given up waiting.
but you are the one that will make me smile everytime i see you.
i am trying hard to find it back but it seems hard.
equally hard for you to get back the conver with me.
i tried talking to you,but it dont seems to be working.
iknew you found someone you love now,we are on the same boat,i guess.
my love for you is true.its in my heart,i didnt take it out&it doesn't move any single bit.
i guess you knew about it but you are trying to ignore?
i am unsure.
i am always hoping that you won't ignore me?
i guess thats enough.
i regretted,i know its pointless to say anymore.
in the past,
whenever i am sick,you will always want me to keep you updated,
i feel down,you are the one that will cheer me up.
when i am stressed up,you will give me advise to help me up no matter you are doing tutorial or busy with stuffs.
i hope i can stay at that moment without changing.
BUT just in a few months,everything changes.
changes very fast.all these had gone down the drain&flown away.
i tried to save it back but its all wet&you told me to forget it,
you told me to let it go.
everything is different now,not the same anymore.
i hope it can be the same but its all different,i guess i am the one to blame.
i cant hate you cause i am the one that is making all this,
i should blame myself for not treasuring all that.
i hope you will know,
i still love you.
what i know is,my true love is you.
you are always in my heart.no one had ever made me feel this way.
you will never be replace...

2008-02-16T20:40:00.000-08:00

15thfeb2008
NPCC NPCC NPCC
when for npcc in the afternoon,
actually,i am having a clear mind&happy mood to go for NPCC but half way through the training,
the fat ass shouted "HEY HONGYING!YOU ARE A xxx ?!HEARD FROM SxxxxN YOU LIKE gxxx?!"
knn la !whats the problem with you about lxx ?!
its legal in singapore okay?!
what if i go out telling people you are a gxx?! how will you feel?
&so i went to ask SxxxxN what he told the fat ass,SxxxxN went to ask him.
the best part is the fat ass gave us a freaking innocent face&said"no,i didnt say anything,i dont know anything."
fcuk off la ! since is you said out then just admit la,why must say until like that?
do you know that it is an insult to me?
DO YOU EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?
I FEEL HURT,I FEEL INSULTED,MY HEART IS BROKEN !!! ='(
after training,went to have a talk with SXXXXN,after that,all the CIs&MsLee knew about it,
MsLee brought SXXXXN to one corner and talk while BxxxxN brought me to the canteen to talk.after here&there,SxxxxN apologise to me.
BxxxxN gave him a lecture,
at that moment,i didnt cry.i wanted to be strong-althought its hard la.
i went into the toilet&saw mone&jl,.
i hugged mone and started crying.
it hurts la.
let me tell you boy,
you can say you dont mean it,you can say sorry to me.
but when the knife snab into my heart,the scar will never going to heal,its painful.
this scar will be with me my secondary life until i didnt see you or even my whole life.
i am only 15years old&i had already a scar in my heart.
outerside of me i can be happy,i can be cheerful but deep in my heart,who knows how i feel?
you people out there can say its just a small thing only,why must get so sad over it ?
you guys can say,since you are one then why must you be so sad?
BUT can you imagine not?he will trying to tell the whole world about it!maybe you all cant understand how i feel&i also dont know how to describe how i am feeling BUT what i can say is,IT HURTS !!!!!
shall stop this...
after i had changed&stuff,went makan with deidre, jeremy,hong xiang,mone&seri.
tried to forget what happened and be extreme crazy.hiding the pain.
after dinner,went jalan jalan thn jeremy send me home&hongxiang send mone home.
special thanks to benson that is there for me,mone for your hug=D and jeremy that send me home.
NPCC is a family that i feel that i am loved.
i will hardly feel neglected there.ILOVEYOU GUYS =D
another day with another story

express your love to the person

2008-02-14T03:21:00.000-08:00

VALENTINE VALENTINE VALENTINE
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY PEOPLE=D
i spend my day well in school,having lots of fun.
let me start the day,
damn freaking angry with my mum in the morning,
i told her i have to reach school early to do my stuff.
she said okay,after we left the house&already half way through the journey,she said she forgot to bring her lunch. DAMN IT ! at that moment,i am damn pissed off can?
reached school at the same time=.= its NOT early at all.
LESSON LESSON LESSON
lesson time damn boring,wanted to sleep but no chance.haix.
the journey is so long.HAHAHAHAS.
yeasterday night or i can say today morning, 3plus then sleep but in the morning 5 need to wake up already,who will not tired?
saw Kenneth Teo while we were walking to the canteen during recess, make fun of him,whenever we see him we will say this "Good Morning MrTeo."hahas.
then he will give us those weird weird face.LOLS.
today my class damn funny,keep making MdmTan.
is like today all her lesson,the last mins,our class will start to count down.
is like their watch is so accurate."5,4,3,2,1,0"*ding-dong-ding-dong....*
my funny 3A=D
last period she came in for A-maths,
she wants to give us practices to practice,
"MdmTan,you not tired ar?you not tired but we are tired le leh."said by Darrel.*laughs*
BUT still,HAVE TO DO..eeeyer=(
AFTER SCHOOL...
after lesson,met hubby to exchange our valentine's gift before she need to go to work.HAHAHAHA..
at that moment,how i wish there is a bed for me to lie on.so tired la.
PRESENTS PRESENTS PRESENTS...
special thanks for those that gave me presents,
i really appreciated it.its really very touch.
millon thanks=D
first on the list,
thanks simone for the fresh flower,the colour is sweet.
i promise i will take care of it well=D
next,
thanks ChengWee for the chocolate,
was surprised that you will give=D
coming up,
thanks MelissaPTS for giving me that two heart-shaped cookies.
it look nice&i will treasure it=D
next,
thanks BeeGeok for the chocolate,
i like that chocolate very much.HAHAHAHAS=D
next,
special thanks to Prefectorial board for the test tube&Stephanie for all her hard work.
THANK YOU !
somemore to go,
thanks to Joel&Keith,i guess.
thanks for the bear,i like it very much.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
always leave the best for the last.
THANKS HUBBY FOR YOUR PRESENT=D
the best present i received this year.
thanks for the roses you folded,star you folded,chocolates inside&of course the POOH!!!
HAHAHAHAS.
also hope you will like the things i did for you=D muacks<3

i think thats all for today?if have later will post again.
once again,HAPPY V-DAY=D

everything remains the same afterall

2008-02-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

LOVE LOVE LOVE
everything is back into the square one with you.
that few days,i am just crazy&mad.
mad about him?i guess so.
today i sat down&have a deep thought,
we two really gone through a lot,real lot.
we had walk through together all the thicks&thins.
we made through all the obstacles.
you made me feel what is love,
you let me know how is it like when you are being loved.
you made me feel every single thing.
me life is at your hand&YES i love you lots.
i wish everything is going fine now uh?
i think you are the only one that is fit to be my valentine isnt it?
you made me fall deeply into you.
whatever you do,you made my heart melts.
NOW !!!
i am DESPERATLY in LOVED.
be my last,will you?
13012007;13012008
one year twenty-four days&i am still counting...
HAPPY CNY !!!! =DD
its a new year again&its time to collect lots of ang baos =D
today today today.
nothing much happens but just gamble,eat&still gamble.
thanks baby for accomanying me today.
see you tomorrow&tomorrow is my lunar birthday=D
night...

EVERYDAY IS A NEW SURPRISE=D

2008-02-06T04:24:00.000-08:00

WHEN I SEE YOU,IT HURTS ME MORE
although this morning i saw you with a smiling face,but deep in my heart,it hurts like mad.
i remembered what happened that day.
that day is equal the day you took a knife and snab into my heart and the scar stay.
nothing can make it recover,nothing can cure it.
once its there,it will always be there,i guess.
the cut is deep.
the happier you are,the more hurt i got.
i am suffering,but yet you are laughing there.
maybe YES,i want to see you smile and be happy but it hurts.
i had care for you much more then i care myself.
you see the scars on her hand?
all those scars;
Dont worry.
they're little notes to remind her how
many times you broke her heart.
i love you
SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL
today had the CNY celebration=D
the whole celebration was sitting with CW chit-chating.
in the morning,
talked with mr peh regarding some stuff.hmmm..things doesnt seems to well done.
hongying,this is not up to your standard uh?
maybe i am stressed up with stuffs&getting tired with it.
every night also not enough sleep-sickening.
after talking with MrPeh,went back to class&found out that ONGLANQUE is not in school !!!!!
how dare she......LOL=.=
so we were having english lesson&today's topic is DEBATING!
its what i love most=D
i love to have verbal fight.hahas.
during celebration,saw a couple of my seniors and chatted abit with them.
after school,went hougang mall with CW to do the name stuff.
then went makan.
saw huifen at the scalator.hahas.(dont wu hui,its only my friend =D)
homesweethome after that.
NPCC NPCC NPCC
my dear squad mates,dont disappoint us again&again can?
just come back for training please...
because of this,i can even break-down.
just come back for training&speech day alright?

afterall,
boy,i still love you so.

2008-02-06T04:21:00.000-08:00

THE GUY THAT I ONCE MAKE HIM MY SUPERHERO
Yesterday marked the beginning.
tomorrow marks the end.
somewhere in the middle we became the best of friends if you ever need a shoulder.
if you ever need a friend.
i'll be here till the end.
Afriend is someone who can lift your spirits with just their smile.
if i had only one friend left.
i'd want it to be you.

2008-02-06T04:18:00.000-08:00

I wondered Lonely as a cloud that Floats
on high o er vales&hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd , A host
of golden daf fodils,
Beside the lake,
beneath the trees,
Fluttering and
dancing in the breeze

freaking life i have !

2008-02-05T07:51:00.000-08:00

STRESSED UP WITH EVERYTHING!
OMG!!
i flung my geo.sadsad !!! 6.5/30
so badly done.need to start mugging again.sian =(
TO MY DEAREST FRIEND...
you must rmb our special date okay?
its special for us,isn't it?
hahas.
you arhhs take good care of yourself&also study hard.
I WANT TO SEE YOU IN SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!

okay la,i very tired already.time for bed.
night !!!!

2008-02-04T06:20:00.000-08:00

GOOD JOB PEOPLE !
NPCC RAWKS !
SILVER SILVER SILVER=D
WE MAINTAINED!!!!!!
AREA5 GOODJOB TOO.NO BRONZE ONCE AGAIN.
MY PASSION !

things doesn't turn out right afterall

2008-02-04T05:09:00.000-08:00

HATE ; LOVE ?
I fall for you eventually,you didnt treasure.
i said i love you,you igonored.
i really dontknow what i should do next.
i am confused!
i am state of confusion,what she said had affected me deeply.like a knife snab into my heart.
my heart is broken once again.
maybe its expected?i am wondering.
i did so much for you but this is what i eventually got back.
anyway,i chose to let go,yes i love you but just you are&not mine&i am not yours.
i think you have not feel the pain that is in me now.
last again,
i love you kelly
MY TRUE FRIENDS...
special thanks to BeeGeok&ChengWee.
BeeGeok,
thanks for speaking to me&let me know the truth of everything.
sorry to let you end up crying but still a big THANK YOU =D
i seriously appreciate what you told me and now my mind-sets are cleared.
BEEGEOK,YOU ARE MINE!!!!HAHAS.
ChengWee,
thanks for spending your precious study time&chat with me on phone.
i also appreciate it very well.not to worry,i wont call you paikah anymore=D
OHYA !
and also thanks for buying chocolate for me to cheer me up.
i simply love chocolates.hahas.
to the both of them,
simply thanks to you guys&you all are really my true friends.
a wonderful sister&brother i had.
p.s. i love you guys.you guys rawks.
see ya tomorrow.
SCHOOL WORKS
now is school works.
DIE DIE DIE !!!
i flung my chem,the only failure in my class =.=
need to study hard for it again.HAIX !
tml physic test.hope everything goes on well(dont wan tto disappoint MrPeh anymore)
this is a great fall.i need to stand up&start mugging again
THANKS MrPeh to be always there for me.
okay la,its time to get back to my physic.time constraint=D

making everything here strong.

2008-02-03T03:31:00.000-08:00

ONE&ONLY...
i am worry of everything.
i am worry you will turn around and run away,
i am worry you will leave me alone.
all these will make me break down into tears.
i am waiting here.
i am scare,my mentality is no longer strong when i thought of it.
i love you-very deeply.
i wish that i am the one.
i am worry i am not the one ='(
i love you

hoping nothing goes wrong

2008-02-03T02:42:00.000-08:00

YOU ARE MY ONE&ONLY !
to you my love one:
not to worry so much,
i am sure you will be able to mke it.
no matter its the answer you want or not,
i will always be there for you.

you are my love,
the one&only in my heart.
who is the one you love?i am wondering.
i wants to be your valentine on this valentines' day.
are you willing to?what are you thinking now?
i seriously wondering.

i may not be the prettiest
i may not be perfect in your eyes
i may not be the one you wanted
but what i know is my love for you is true
i love you

to my dearest simone

2008-02-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

mone ar mone!
study also can study until sleep.haiiyorhhs.keep awake!!!!
hahas.
study hard girl=D
you will be able to score well.
if you sleep somemore i will....
uh huh.you should know right?hahas.

when i say i love you.i really mean it.

2008-02-01T20:57:00.000-08:00

YOU ARE MY SUPERMAN
it had been a longlong time since i blog.
now i am back again=D
busy and stressed-up these days.tests are coming up.scared !!

so tired.had been staying at home,clearing my room&stuffs.later still need to go tuition.dont even know will i have the energy to listen in class not.
hmm.yesterday went for NPCC after school.fun training yesterday.
OH YA !
my dear kelly.not to worry.i am sure you will be able to make it ok?must have confident in yourself&you will make it.you had already give-in your best shot.i have faith in you=D

to you,my love one:
i am desire in you
i am crazy over you
you made me go wild
i love you

got the thing that i wanted long ago

2007-12-13T06:23:00.000-08:00

hello people!!!
i am quite busy now ask i have to download the songs into my new ipod nano.
its a christmas present from my aunt.hahas.love it<3
but i should roughly say what happened today...
baby,it had been 11months since we are together.i love to be with you(:
i had a wonderful day today.
today morning,baby come to my house to wake me up&go compass-YAWNS!!!
go there walk walk,eat&still the same until 3plus she sent me back to my grandma house&she stayed there for dinner.meanwhile,she teached me A-Maths&cleared all my doubts.hahas.
after dinner,we chit-chat a while,watched tv&she left to town to buy her stuff.hahas.
i just found out that her ex RYL is my friend sis.so cocidence lurhhs.singpore is really very small,isn't it?hahas.i won't say much today as i am very tired&busy.
tomorrow still need to go school for NPCC&dear promised me to bring me to school from home.hahas.loves...afterall,everything is fine today(:
loving everyday i had with you baby...

a cinderalla scene

2007-12-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

things doesn't seems well in the morning as we had a tiff yesterday night.
i am very pissed with her yesterday as she went out with her friends&at first she told me she wil return home at about 11plus,and so i waited.wait wait wait,still dont have.called her&she say will be staying until friendA last bus which will be 12.45midnight.
i was like ok lo&let it be.wait wait wait again.received NOTHING!getting more&more pissed off&so called again.she said she is eating and will stay up abit later,
i was like ok lo&told her that i will be waiting for her call.1plus-when i am very tired,i called again&this time round seriously very FEDUP already!not you pick up the call but is friendA.i told her to let to listen&she said you were playing PSP.so irritated!!YAWNS~
i talk to you&i yelled at you&the hanged up the phone.you didn't called me back&that time JH ask me to call him&i called.chit-chat a while&he went to slp.watched tv,slowly after,you called me&coax me back.i didn't really answer you although i am smiling& abit happy as you are sincere to coax me back.my hubby is always the sweetest<3
after that you went to sleep without bathing.i went to sleep&the time was about 4am.hahas.
i know that the next morning i confirm cant wake up due to the tiredness i had.hahas.i went to sleep&6.20,my mum called me to wake me up.at that time,i was dead tired.and don't wish to get my butt out of my bed.heehee=x at about 7,Mone messaged me&she said her eye is swollen&i told her i am having a bad headach,she called me&we chatted.surpose to meet her at 8 for breakie but ended up talking on the phone till 8.we were discussing should we like go for training not.call JL&ask her about it,she said she will be going for training as she wants to get out of the house as soon as she could&so no choice,we had to pang seh her.about8.30,we hang up the phone&i called baby,she was sleeping&said she was very tired.i dont know whats happening to me as i got quite pissed about it.weird!!after audition for half an hour as she told me to call her back at 9am,i called her &she said she is still very tired which made her don't feel like waking up.i was like angry which made me hanged up her phone once again.sorry baby,but i don't know what i am doing =( after hanging up,i went to sleep until 10+.woke up,bathed then called baby,still sleeping.i told her to wake up&we will be meeting at compass.she said she will call me when she is done.wait wait wait,no called received,call her&she haven even wake up.so what lurhhs.don care her again and went to change and do my stuffs.when i am done,i called her and told her i am going out already,she was stun&ask me why so early.i didn't know why i am giving her attitude which i shouldn't.after a while,we started to be unhappy with each other and she gave me a scolding.
after everything,she said she will be meeting me after12 at compass,i went out straight after the call&walked in the rain(its nice to cry in the rain.)
went to compass by LRT&waited for her at the bus interchange,everything goes right when she arrived&she gave me a winnie the pooh which is very cute.thanks baby(:heard from her,she bought it from her friend who won it in those machine.she beg that person to sell it to her as i like it very much&she bought it at $2(so sweet of you)thanks(:
wanted to eat at KFC but it was crowded.went MAC to makan&went to walk walk around compass.about 2+ we went to take MRT as you need to go to work.love the times we were on the MRT(: you told me to pei you until Potong Pasir station.at first i dont want and want to alight at Hougang butyou dont allow me to go so i was like ok lo.
after which went grandma house(:
went ballet alone&came back alone.after ballet,went hougang mall walk walk and bought the fake nails which cost me$20(sad sad)but its nice,hahas.when back to grandma house and dad fetch me home first before he go back there fetch mum who went to malaysia this morning.
waited for mum at home&when she was back,she was carrying a big big winnie the pooh which i wanted long ago,a pooh booster&pooh stickers inside a plastic bag.hahas.
so happy&now it's time for bed.
i am in a cinderalla scene;
&i am treauring every single day i have.loves...

the sky is cleared after the rain

2007-12-11T02:51:00.000-08:00

so tired when i woke up in the morning today =O
yesterday or i rather say today morning,i waited for your call until 1.45am in the morning.so tired.when you called,you told me you want to go and bath so i waited again.
at last i cant take it anymore and went to sleep.you called me at about 2.45&i was like in my own lala land having my nice dream,hahas.at first dontknow what are you saying but in the end i finally awake and talk to you =x
at 3plus you finally went to sleep&i also went to sleep=)
today morning,surpose to wake you up at 7.15am but i overslept and called you at 7.40am-sorry my dear =x
you was like so shock and you quickly hang up the phone&went to change.
lucky me,no need to work,and i went back to sleep..weee...woke up at 9plus 10 and remember grandma is going to make rice dumpling and she told me to go over&help her.after everything,i went to rivervale plaza to takeaway my macdonald lunch and bought grandma some snack to eat too.
reached grandma hse and she had started.
after everything,i read up my bio book and did some A-Maths homework which msDenise ask us to do.i still think that A-Maths is hard.its going to crack my brain.bio is just reading a story book which you need to understand of course.hahas.
slack here slack there,after dinner,home sweet home=)

it's like a clear sky after the rain
&i love you

hoping everything to be perfect

2007-12-10T07:24:00.000-08:00

things doesnt seems well for me today.
yesterday night,had a talk with DEAR,(which i dont wish to mention here)
you had today and so,we cant meet again.
its a long long time since we met yeah?
just had a glance of you yesterday.
let me start of my day now.
woke up at 9am to wake you up as you need to report to work,
and i slept back.
10am,i woke up again and gave you a call.
you said 1030am thn wake up as you guys are meeting at 11.45am.
and i called you at that time,and you said you heading to serangoon already.you mixed up with the timing and so,you was in a rush.
after we chatted a while,we hanged up.
and i can't get to sleep anymore after tossing around the bed.
i on my computer and was reading blogs.
while reading, i saw your blog's URL and so i went in to take a look.
it was about 1year since you update it and i was reading your pass,
don't know why, my tears dropped down and feeling painful inside my heart.
after reading , i went to bath,changed and head to my grandma house.
grandma gave me a necklace for my birthday which was so nice&i love it very much,thanks ahma=)
had a light lunch there,chat with her,watched tv and went to sleep- such a nice weather to sleep!hahas.
daddy came back quite early today.they had dinner but i didn't.dont feel like eating =x
keep looking at my phone and hoping your message or call will appear but it was a disappointment.
came back,watch the "men' at forty"until 6.30pm and went to make my cheesecake.
wash up&everything is about 9pm& i had to watch "tian tang niao" as it's the last espisode today.
now i am still waiting for your call&i miss you so much.
now i am hungry.hahas.